दीपावली

काफी दिनों से मेरे मन में था की मै हिंदी में कुछ लिखू || आज मौका भी है और दस्तूर भी | दुनिया के साथ साथ इस दीपावली में हमने भी सोचा की शुभ काम का जय श्री गणेश कर दिया जाए| हिंदी भाषा मुझे बहुत प्रीय है|  शायद आपको मालूम न हो पर लिखित कला से पहली मुलाकात मेरी हिंदी में ही हुई| कई कवितायें लिखीं, कई सुनाई, कुछ अनसुनी भी चल गयी, और कुछ तो सिर्फ वक़्त के पन्नो में खो सी गयी| पर जैसे जैसे स्कूल की किताबों से हिंदी हटती चली गयी, वैसे वैसे ज़हन से भी मिटती चली गईं| अब तो सिर्फ जुबां से निकलती है वो भी टूटी फूटी अंग्रेजी के साथ मिली हुई| ढंग से हिंदी बोलने वाले महापुरुष तो अब चंद ही बचे हैं|

खैर छोड़िये वो सब| बात करते हैं दिवाली की| चूँकि मैं बचपन से ही घर से दूर पढता आया हूँ त्यौहार वगैरा तो सब दोस्तों के साथ मौज करने के तरीके बन गए हैं, सिवाए दिवाली के| दिवाली अकेला ऐसा त्यौहार है जो मै साल दर साल, हर बार अपने घर परिवार के साथ ही मनाता आया हूँ| अंधे नवजात से ले कर भोले बचपन तक और भोले बचपन से ले कर चालाक जवानी तक का सफ़र जो मैंने इन 21 सालों में तय किया है, उसे हर साल एक बार नापने का जरिया दिवाली है| हर साल मुझमे कुछ बदला हुआ लगता है, और बदले हुए में ना ही सिर्फ मेरा वजन है बल्कि और भी कई चीज़े हैं!

बड़े ही सीधी साधी सरल दिवाली होती है छोटे जगह के लोगों की| सुबह जल्दी उठाना और घर की साफ़ सफाई एवं साज सज्जा करना| तरह तरह के फूल मिठाइयाँ इत्यादि लाये जाते हैं| मेरा तो एकल परिवार है, चहल पहल ही अलग रहती है| दुपहर होते होते औरतें रंगोली बनाने एवं श्याम के लिए पकवान इत्यादि तैयार करने में जुट जाती है तो उधर मर्द दिन भर की थकान को दूर करने के लिए जुआ खेलते हैं| कहते हैं यह "स्ट्रेस बस्टर" है| वाह रे दुनिया| श्याम ढलते ढलते मै और पिताजी छत्त पर जा कर दिए जलना शुरू कर देते है| यह हर साल मेरी दिवाली का सबसे प्रीय समय होता है| आज कल तो लोग दियो के नाम पे 'चाइनीज' बत्तियां जलाने लगे हैं जो दियों जैसी लगती है| समय महत्वपूर्ण है भैया कौन भगवान् वगैरा पे खर्चे| श्याम ढलती है और सारा परिवार पूजा के लिए एकत्रित होता है| एक दुसरे को बधाइयां दी जाती हैं| छोटे बड़ों के आशीर्वाद लेते हैं, बड़ा ही सुन्दर नज़ारा होता है| उसके बाद आतिशबाजियों का समा बंधता है| ऐसे तो लोग बड़ी बड़ी गाड़ियों में दफ्तर को अकेले निकल जायेंगे पर दिवाली आते ही बीवी से कहेंगे "डारलिंगज़ इस बार पटाखे नहीं जलाएंगे, गोइंग ग्रीन्ज़!" पर अब न तो पटाखों में न वो मजा रह गया है न तो आवाज़| नकलीपन का जमाना है या उम्र का तकाजा ये तो नहीं मालूम पर अब तो भतीजे भतीजियों को सँभालने में ही आतिशबाजियां छूट जाती हैं| "साले डरो मत" या "साले आगे जाके ढंग से जलाओ वरना अगर किसी को चिंगारी लगी तो बहुत जूते लगायेंगे" इत्यादि बोलते रहना पड़ता है| कर भी क्या सकते हैं भैया समय पे तो लगाम लगाना किसी के बास की बात है नहीं, ऐसा करके ही बचपन दोहोरा लेते हैं| हम पटाखे न जलाए तो क्या, कम से कम दिवाली को यादगार बनाने का इंतज़ाम तो कर ही सकते है।

चूँकि कहा है किसी महान व्यक्ति ने - "ज़िन्दगी लम्बी नहीं बड़ी होनी चाहिए!" तब तक,

अलविदा.

The Biriyani Quest

Scrumptious Mutton Biriyani!

I recently made a one day trip to Merut with two of my very good friends to meet Prateek (my best friend). We went there for business and business we did, until the last 3-4 hours of our exit. I was really skeptical about writing this at first, but decided this moment was too fun to let go! So here you are Ladies and some more Ladies, on this very exciting treasure hunting journey of four brave treasure hunters (well leave the brave part), and how they finally found victory (on second thoughts, leave the victory part too)! Lets take you to where it all began!

It all started with a night (it so does with every fucked up story)! A night where three huntsman, drunk to their gut, were making plans on meeting their fourth companion and the only one who knew the way to the treasure. The treasure, as you may know, is the sultry and delicious Biriyani, ready to be eaten till the lasts of the cocks... wait let me redo it, lasts of the chickens' only remain. Fuck! I think I am overdoing this Pirate of the Caribbean thing. Let me come back to my moron self.

We were supposed to reach Merut the next day by 9:00 clock. In case you are already laughing, I give you a reason to laugh much more fervently. I promised to be their on time on the cost of ten kicks on my butt. After I was back from Merut, I didn't walked for two days. Whatever. We slept a 'bit' late, okay not a bit late but very late and the best time at which we could have left was 1:00 pm the next day. And so we left. After a grumpy journey of 4 hours, we finally reached the place.

Fast Forward: kicks, cries, abuses, sound of chewing (the best of the world I know) butter chicken (Envy me mere mortal!), discussions, some more abuses, laughs, some more abuses, etc. etc. 
 Hope you got the drift. Now the final and the most amazing part of the story: The next day, four of us ready to leave for Delhi at 2'O clock, but not before we have the envious Biriyani!


We reached the old Ghantaghar area. The site was tremendous and ugly at the very same time. Eid ul-Zuha (popularly know as Bakreed) was around and so goats and buffaloes were being sold at every nook and corner we went. And then happened something I was terribly afraid of. One after the another all our options for having Biriyani closed. Somewhere the stocks were finished and somewhere the shop was closed. But with determinations in our head, hunger in our stomach and slippers on our feet, we kept on searching for a legitimate place that served Biriyani. I took us three hours and a complete tour of the old part of the city to finally reach a place that served Biriyani.. Now, Merut has a legacy of selling food for minimal prices and it tastes equally awesome. But a plate of Biriyani which otherwise would have cost us very less, cost us 150 bucks per plate. And it was really bad. Bad as in KRK (Kamal R Khan) kinda bad. My mood was pretty effed up! Biriyani is God's own food, and we have no right to make it, unless we are pretty good at it. And so ends our journey for Biriyani.

The trip was none the less a good one. We had a lot of fun the whole time and I cannot suppress my urge of using this Hindi word - Bakchodi. हम लोगो ने बोहोत बकचोदी पेली (we did a lot of Bakchodi)!


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Until next time,
Adios!

P.S. - If you ever plan to go to Merut for a day or two, you can buzz me on my page and i will tell you where in Merut you can find all your pleasantries. And when I say all, I mean all! ;)

Naani (Grandmother)

Date : 11 July, 2012

This article may be off the records but something inside me (no you idiot it's not my stomach!) tells me that I must get this article to the world. Right now I am sitting beside my maternal grandmother and watching her die, counting her last breaths. I have seen her in the best of her forms, well, sort-of-best of her forms; and now seeing her lying there on the bed waiting to pass is really disturbing.

It's funny, but for some reason, I have no memories of me spending a lot of time with her. Still, I feel sick even by the thought of her leaving this world. The best memory of mine with her would be she taking me to the Saturday  market of Allahbad, where vendors would sell all type of caged animals and sweets. Whenever I visited my grandmother's, I wouldn't miss it for the world. And now for the rest of my life, the last memory of hers that would be imprinted on my mind, would be of her dying so miserably.

Though we are doing the best we can do to keep her alive, a part of me wants to release her from the cage that her body has become for her. I probably hope that she too wants to leave her body forever. Death is a funny concept in a way. We know it is sure to come, still we are scared of it the most. A very hard truth is, no matter how much sad we become on someone's death, a part of us always feels comfort by the fact that we are still alive. It's funny how sometimes death's preference is so high over life. How sometimes failure seems the only victory left to achieve! Doctor says she is listening and seeing everything but not registering anything in her mind. Relatives say that she will give up her breaths after she has seen me for one last time. I am the only son of her only daughter. High hopes are running on me. And now that she has seen me, all everyone can wish of is her death.

It's kind of haunting, to see someone die such a miserable death. Every bit of celluloid of my grandma's body has worn off. Bed sores are appearing on every other corner of the body. Teeth are deteriorating and breath is all she has got in her body. Once beautiful her face, is now a sunken piece of skull covered with epidermis. I can only think of what she might be going through.


Dated : 14 July, 2012

I took a leave from her today! I bid adieu to grandma one last time (probably the last), even though I know she doesn't even recognize who is coming or going. She just cries and through a lost corners of her eyes, omits what ever little water remains in her body. Life is a bitch for sure!

Edit:(I cannot reveal the date)
The news of her demise arrived this morning. I had a mix of expressions. Shock, sad, somewhat happy too because she got rid of her pains. Will that stop me from doing my regular chores? No! As a wise man once said, 'The Show Must Go On' and this is the only truth the world follows.

Quoting Pink Floyd (The Show Must Go On)


Ooooh, Ma, Oooh Pa
Must the show go on?
Ooooh, Pa. Take me home
Ooooh, Ma. Let me go

There must be some mistake
I didnt mean to let them
Take away my soul.
Am I too old, is it too late?

Ooooh, Ma, Ooooh Pa,
Where has the feeling gone?
Ooooh, Ma, Ooooh Pa,
Will I remember the songs?
The show must go on.

Until next time (if there is any),

Adios!

10 Characteristics Of Engineers

1. Engineer Always Do Things Right Before The Deadline

A very typical habit of engineers. There are many engineers who complete their work on time, I agree, but most of them wait for the last day to arrive and scare the shit out of them to make them actually move their heavy load of ass. Notably though, even on the edge, they perform the given task fairly (sometimes exceptionally) well. And what do they do with the rest of the given time? Trade secret!

2. Engineers Are Warehouses Of Soft Addiction :

In case you don't know what a soft addiction is, it is an addiction to anything other than drugs,alcohol or cigarette. There is no fucking trade secret to what engineers do in the meantime allotted for a given task. Soft Addictions are very commonly spotted amongst engineers. With piracy and accessibility on its full boom, getting movies, daily soap operas and games is not a big task. Further, they are so fucking incredible, one cannot resist getting addicted.

3. Engineers Are Socially Creepy

With almost no social life inside and outside the campus and soft addictions riding all over them, Engineers start doubting their social capabilities, not that they have any. Slowly and gradually, that very doubt gets converted into a disease of sorts called 'social creepiness'. Prime symptoms include 'drooling over women in public', 'sweating in front of someone speaking about something that does not include women,alcohol and engineering' etc.

4. Engineers Have Never Met The Creature Called 'Girlfriend' -

No social life means no wooing power over girls. To top it off, a very minimal count of opposite sex on the board, out which only few of them deserve to be called beautiful or hot or sexy. And if this wasn't worse, all are committed to a guy in a long distance relationship. Does he fuckin' pays your McDonald's bills? IF at all a few of them remain uncommitted, you have to fight through an army of goons to reach her and another army of goons to keep her. Makes you think you are better off without them huh?

5. Engineers Love Their Pornography

Though no engineer would openly buy the fact, deep within they very well know that this is true.No girlfriend means loneliness and a guy with a computer connected to the internet will eventually end up watching porn no matter what. And computers? we have a helluva lot of them with us. I know a guy whose porn collection can give Brazzers a run for their money.
Please note this girls that we are not nymphomaniacs, we are just...um, whatever forget that!

6. Engineers Are Highly Addicted to Cigarette,Alcohol and Other 'Good Things'

Porn is not the only thing that removes loneliness right? There are better things to kill time (and yourself) like drinking! And Oh boy! we drink. When I started my first year, few people were involved in smoking or drinking. But as the time passed by, people started smoking or drinking and now a major part of the institution is infected. Are you infected yet?

7. Engineers Don't Know What Body Clock Is

or at least they don't know how to follow it. How can a drunk guy can after all? A funny incident: When I sleep and wake up late at home, my father heavily doubts my ability to attend classes and give exams. He has no fucking idea what goes on here. My record? Non stop cramming for about 24 hours and giving the paper without sleeping and scoring 59. Beat that Bitch!

And the College Diaries award goes to a friend of mine who drank almost 3 full whiskey for 18 to 20 hours, sleeping for 2 hours, driving to a friend's house for 1 hour and then drinking again 2 and a half more for another 18 hours ! College Diaries salute you!


8. Engineers Have The Most Fucked Up Body structure Ever Possible

True Story! If you a spot a guy with puffy eyes, lost looks, unshaven beard and a body figure not even the creators of Geometry can specify; you have probably spotted an engineer. All that drinking and waking up through the night takes a heavy toll on the body and results are pretty much screwed up!

9.  Engineers Hate The Fact That They Are Engineers

"Isse accha to B.Com kar lete yaar D.U. se, kahaan fass gaye! (We might have better done B.Com. from Delhi University rather than being an engineer)" is a phrase that echoes a lot amongst engineers. No one is nuts enough to do something that they hate unless forced upon to do so. Most of the of the engineers are actually career cases that had no other options than engineering in career to choose from. But intimacy from something overtime develops love and dare you call something bad about engineering in front of an Engineer. He will break your head if he can or cry out loud.

[A cheat trick: Tell an engineer that he wouldn't get a job when he would graduate and he would burn to his guts]


10. Engineers Have A Spirit To Die For

But come what may, Engineers always touch the finish line and survive. And in life, that is the most important thing!

All that kidding apart now. A salute to every engineer in every corner of this country. If you have, by any means, passed all your semesters without having a back I know what you might have probably gone through. Problems are a part of everyone's life, but life is a part of the problems inside the campus. With 240 tests, 50 assignments, 4 projects, unlimited deadlines, umpteen fights, first crushes and first loves, deadly fights, social and peer pressure, friendships and lose ends one faces in the campus, any other pressure of life looks too small to even count. And if it were not for our undying spirit, the world would not have been a better place. After all, we are the FUTURE!

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

If you think I have missed something, or you have a better version to tell, feel free to fill up the comment box! :) Until next time,

Adios


P.S.: You might have noticed that by far each point, except the last one, logically followed the previous one (or you didn't?). There was a reason behind this construction and a reason behind why I mentioned it in the last point. If you are thinking I was showing off my intellectual shit; you are damn right! ;)

Guru (Teacher)

I am 21 now and life has passed in front of my eyes in a blink. It is one year since the inception of this blog and my excitation is on a fairly high level, for more reasons than one. A lot has happened in past 10 days. I formed an Event Management company and did its first event and in the process learned the hooks and nooks of business. Did fairly well in exams. And today was unexpectedly awesome. Today is also the first anniversary of this blog, though not much is written on it. A lot has been said, a lot is yet untold. But then, what would remain of life when all that has to come is revealed all at once!

Because of an early away-from-home-schooling that I got, I have seen a variety of teachers. Some were bad some were good and some were weird. But every one of them gave me something I didn't had. Because of the positive outlook that I possess, I tend to see the best in people most of the time and I learned a lesson from somewhere that says - "Every man in this world, no matter how meager he is, has something unique to give you which no other man can." There is a special anecdote that I want to share that has not been shared with any one ever before.

I was in a coaching institute in Kota and was taught by some of the best minds of this country. In them was our head-of-department Mathematics cum Head Coordinator that taught us Mathematics. Now, I had no fucking clue what he used to teach because during those times I used to bunk a lot. Also I wasn't even familiar with his temperament though I heard a lot about his sudden display of anger. When ever I attended his lectures, I used to be shit scared that he would, at some point of the class, find that all this time he was speaking to someone who is a dumb-ass thinking of him to be a decent scholar. And then the moment of truth arrived. He gave us a question and started taking rounds of class when he suddenly found out I was just sitting idle doing nothing.

But, to my very disbelief, instead of shouting and scolding at me he very gently asked me to try and solve the question. I stared at my notebook for a few minutes and that is exact the amount of time it took him to understand that I wasn't the brightest of the lot. He said he is noticing me for a few days now and knew there is no way on earth I could have done that question. But no scolding? No throwing out of the class? He said he saw a scope of improvement in me and that I can do great things if showed the right path. Now people stop only at telling you these kind of things, but he actually guided me to my way. He counseled me for some 15 minutes and gave advice on everything from career to personal life. He did what a true mentor must, show the path to eternity. The right path.

Until next time,

Adios!