दीपावली

काफी दिनों से मेरे मन में था की मै हिंदी में कुछ लिखू || आज मौका भी है और दस्तूर भी | दुनिया के साथ साथ इस दीपावली में हमने भी सोचा की शुभ काम का जय श्री गणेश कर दिया जाए| हिंदी भाषा मुझे बहुत प्रीय है|  शायद आपको मालूम न हो पर लिखित कला से पहली मुलाकात मेरी हिंदी में ही हुई| कई कवितायें लिखीं, कई सुनाई, कुछ अनसुनी भी चल गयी, और कुछ तो सिर्फ वक़्त के पन्नो में खो सी गयी| पर जैसे जैसे स्कूल की किताबों से हिंदी हटती चली गयी, वैसे वैसे ज़हन से भी मिटती चली गईं| अब तो सिर्फ जुबां से निकलती है वो भी टूटी फूटी अंग्रेजी के साथ मिली हुई| ढंग से हिंदी बोलने वाले महापुरुष तो अब चंद ही बचे हैं|

खैर छोड़िये वो सब| बात करते हैं दिवाली की| चूँकि मैं बचपन से ही घर से दूर पढता आया हूँ त्यौहार वगैरा तो सब दोस्तों के साथ मौज करने के तरीके बन गए हैं, सिवाए दिवाली के| दिवाली अकेला ऐसा त्यौहार है जो मै साल दर साल, हर बार अपने घर परिवार के साथ ही मनाता आया हूँ| अंधे नवजात से ले कर भोले बचपन तक और भोले बचपन से ले कर चालाक जवानी तक का सफ़र जो मैंने इन 21 सालों में तय किया है, उसे हर साल एक बार नापने का जरिया दिवाली है| हर साल मुझमे कुछ बदला हुआ लगता है, और बदले हुए में ना ही सिर्फ मेरा वजन है बल्कि और भी कई चीज़े हैं!

बड़े ही सीधी साधी सरल दिवाली होती है छोटे जगह के लोगों की| सुबह जल्दी उठाना और घर की साफ़ सफाई एवं साज सज्जा करना| तरह तरह के फूल मिठाइयाँ इत्यादि लाये जाते हैं| मेरा तो एकल परिवार है, चहल पहल ही अलग रहती है| दुपहर होते होते औरतें रंगोली बनाने एवं श्याम के लिए पकवान इत्यादि तैयार करने में जुट जाती है तो उधर मर्द दिन भर की थकान को दूर करने के लिए जुआ खेलते हैं| कहते हैं यह "स्ट्रेस बस्टर" है| वाह रे दुनिया| श्याम ढलते ढलते मै और पिताजी छत्त पर जा कर दिए जलना शुरू कर देते है| यह हर साल मेरी दिवाली का सबसे प्रीय समय होता है| आज कल तो लोग दियो के नाम पे 'चाइनीज' बत्तियां जलाने लगे हैं जो दियों जैसी लगती है| समय महत्वपूर्ण है भैया कौन भगवान् वगैरा पे खर्चे| श्याम ढलती है और सारा परिवार पूजा के लिए एकत्रित होता है| एक दुसरे को बधाइयां दी जाती हैं| छोटे बड़ों के आशीर्वाद लेते हैं, बड़ा ही सुन्दर नज़ारा होता है| उसके बाद आतिशबाजियों का समा बंधता है| ऐसे तो लोग बड़ी बड़ी गाड़ियों में दफ्तर को अकेले निकल जायेंगे पर दिवाली आते ही बीवी से कहेंगे "डारलिंगज़ इस बार पटाखे नहीं जलाएंगे, गोइंग ग्रीन्ज़!" पर अब न तो पटाखों में न वो मजा रह गया है न तो आवाज़| नकलीपन का जमाना है या उम्र का तकाजा ये तो नहीं मालूम पर अब तो भतीजे भतीजियों को सँभालने में ही आतिशबाजियां छूट जाती हैं| "साले डरो मत" या "साले आगे जाके ढंग से जलाओ वरना अगर किसी को चिंगारी लगी तो बहुत जूते लगायेंगे" इत्यादि बोलते रहना पड़ता है| कर भी क्या सकते हैं भैया समय पे तो लगाम लगाना किसी के बास की बात है नहीं, ऐसा करके ही बचपन दोहोरा लेते हैं| हम पटाखे न जलाए तो क्या, कम से कम दिवाली को यादगार बनाने का इंतज़ाम तो कर ही सकते है।

चूँकि कहा है किसी महान व्यक्ति ने - "ज़िन्दगी लम्बी नहीं बड़ी होनी चाहिए!" तब तक,

अलविदा.

The Biriyani Quest

Scrumptious Mutton Biriyani!

I recently made a one day trip to Merut with two of my very good friends to meet Prateek (my best friend). We went there for business and business we did, until the last 3-4 hours of our exit. I was really skeptical about writing this at first, but decided this moment was too fun to let go! So here you are Ladies and some more Ladies, on this very exciting treasure hunting journey of four brave treasure hunters (well leave the brave part), and how they finally found victory (on second thoughts, leave the victory part too)! Lets take you to where it all began!

It all started with a night (it so does with every fucked up story)! A night where three huntsman, drunk to their gut, were making plans on meeting their fourth companion and the only one who knew the way to the treasure. The treasure, as you may know, is the sultry and delicious Biriyani, ready to be eaten till the lasts of the cocks... wait let me redo it, lasts of the chickens' only remain. Fuck! I think I am overdoing this Pirate of the Caribbean thing. Let me come back to my moron self.

We were supposed to reach Merut the next day by 9:00 clock. In case you are already laughing, I give you a reason to laugh much more fervently. I promised to be their on time on the cost of ten kicks on my butt. After I was back from Merut, I didn't walked for two days. Whatever. We slept a 'bit' late, okay not a bit late but very late and the best time at which we could have left was 1:00 pm the next day. And so we left. After a grumpy journey of 4 hours, we finally reached the place.

Fast Forward: kicks, cries, abuses, sound of chewing (the best of the world I know) butter chicken (Envy me mere mortal!), discussions, some more abuses, laughs, some more abuses, etc. etc. 
 Hope you got the drift. Now the final and the most amazing part of the story: The next day, four of us ready to leave for Delhi at 2'O clock, but not before we have the envious Biriyani!


We reached the old Ghantaghar area. The site was tremendous and ugly at the very same time. Eid ul-Zuha (popularly know as Bakreed) was around and so goats and buffaloes were being sold at every nook and corner we went. And then happened something I was terribly afraid of. One after the another all our options for having Biriyani closed. Somewhere the stocks were finished and somewhere the shop was closed. But with determinations in our head, hunger in our stomach and slippers on our feet, we kept on searching for a legitimate place that served Biriyani. I took us three hours and a complete tour of the old part of the city to finally reach a place that served Biriyani.. Now, Merut has a legacy of selling food for minimal prices and it tastes equally awesome. But a plate of Biriyani which otherwise would have cost us very less, cost us 150 bucks per plate. And it was really bad. Bad as in KRK (Kamal R Khan) kinda bad. My mood was pretty effed up! Biriyani is God's own food, and we have no right to make it, unless we are pretty good at it. And so ends our journey for Biriyani.

The trip was none the less a good one. We had a lot of fun the whole time and I cannot suppress my urge of using this Hindi word - Bakchodi. हम लोगो ने बोहोत बकचोदी पेली (we did a lot of Bakchodi)!


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Until next time,
Adios!

P.S. - If you ever plan to go to Merut for a day or two, you can buzz me on my page and i will tell you where in Merut you can find all your pleasantries. And when I say all, I mean all! ;)

Naani (Grandmother)

Date : 11 July, 2012

This article may be off the records but something inside me (no you idiot it's not my stomach!) tells me that I must get this article to the world. Right now I am sitting beside my maternal grandmother and watching her die, counting her last breaths. I have seen her in the best of her forms, well, sort-of-best of her forms; and now seeing her lying there on the bed waiting to pass is really disturbing.

It's funny, but for some reason, I have no memories of me spending a lot of time with her. Still, I feel sick even by the thought of her leaving this world. The best memory of mine with her would be she taking me to the Saturday  market of Allahbad, where vendors would sell all type of caged animals and sweets. Whenever I visited my grandmother's, I wouldn't miss it for the world. And now for the rest of my life, the last memory of hers that would be imprinted on my mind, would be of her dying so miserably.

Though we are doing the best we can do to keep her alive, a part of me wants to release her from the cage that her body has become for her. I probably hope that she too wants to leave her body forever. Death is a funny concept in a way. We know it is sure to come, still we are scared of it the most. A very hard truth is, no matter how much sad we become on someone's death, a part of us always feels comfort by the fact that we are still alive. It's funny how sometimes death's preference is so high over life. How sometimes failure seems the only victory left to achieve! Doctor says she is listening and seeing everything but not registering anything in her mind. Relatives say that she will give up her breaths after she has seen me for one last time. I am the only son of her only daughter. High hopes are running on me. And now that she has seen me, all everyone can wish of is her death.

It's kind of haunting, to see someone die such a miserable death. Every bit of celluloid of my grandma's body has worn off. Bed sores are appearing on every other corner of the body. Teeth are deteriorating and breath is all she has got in her body. Once beautiful her face, is now a sunken piece of skull covered with epidermis. I can only think of what she might be going through.


Dated : 14 July, 2012

I took a leave from her today! I bid adieu to grandma one last time (probably the last), even though I know she doesn't even recognize who is coming or going. She just cries and through a lost corners of her eyes, omits what ever little water remains in her body. Life is a bitch for sure!

Edit:(I cannot reveal the date)
The news of her demise arrived this morning. I had a mix of expressions. Shock, sad, somewhat happy too because she got rid of her pains. Will that stop me from doing my regular chores? No! As a wise man once said, 'The Show Must Go On' and this is the only truth the world follows.

Quoting Pink Floyd (The Show Must Go On)


Ooooh, Ma, Oooh Pa
Must the show go on?
Ooooh, Pa. Take me home
Ooooh, Ma. Let me go

There must be some mistake
I didnt mean to let them
Take away my soul.
Am I too old, is it too late?

Ooooh, Ma, Ooooh Pa,
Where has the feeling gone?
Ooooh, Ma, Ooooh Pa,
Will I remember the songs?
The show must go on.

Until next time (if there is any),

Adios!